You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
