I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
