pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love you.
Bad choice
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
