Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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