I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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