Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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