Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
