After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
