Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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