Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You made out with two different species that night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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