my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
