I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
