i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
