I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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