Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
