She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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