i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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