I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
