3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
