I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
