Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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