Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
