I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
