so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
