how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
