and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
