what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
