it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my being single is dangerous.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
