I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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