Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
