Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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