dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
