come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How does one acquire holy water?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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