If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
