yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
