So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
