Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
