Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
