"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
