it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
