We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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