Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
