It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
