Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
