i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
