the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
