just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
