Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
