I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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