I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
