Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
