my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
