YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
two words: eviction party
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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